Month: February 2021

What is the most stressful part of a divorce? The response changes from case to case, but for parents the answer will undoubtedly be child custody. 

Fear of hurting their relationship with their children, having their parenting scrutinized by a judge and fear of losing their child to the other parent entirely are but a few factors that make divorce proceedings so difficult for parents.

If you are soon going through a divorce (or currently are), you can save yourself, your child, and your spouse a lot of distress by working out a child custody and visitation agreement right away. Here are some considerations when working out such an arrangement.

Best Interest of the Child

At the heart of every custody dispute is one matter: what is in the child’s best interest. It’s common that divorcing spouses allow bitter feelings to make every issue about themselves. When it comes to your child, a judge will make a decision based on the child’s needs, not yours.

Unless there is evidence of abuse, neglect, or irresponsibility, a child will get to spend time with both parents. How that gets divided will vary based on multiple factors, but if you and your ex-spouse work with divorce attorneys to create a custody plan, it increases the odds that you’ll both get the time and custodial responsibilities you want.

Physical Custody vs. Legal Custody

A big point of confusion in child custody law is the concepts of physical and legal custody. Some see one as being more significant, while others may not understand the difference at all. Knowing how they differ is essential to your post-divorce co-parenting plan.  

Physical custody refers to who has custody of the child when. For example, if you have custody during alternating weeks, you would have physical custody during those weeks and your ex-spouse on the other weeks. Legal custody determines who makes major decisions regarding the child’s well-being, such as a physician or religious upbringing. 

The benefit of collaborating with your ex-spouse on a child custody agreement is that you propose ways to divide both responsibilities however you want. Of course, you should still be realistic and consider your ability to meet the proposed obligations.

Consider Your Child’s Responsibilities

While each parent’s commitments will carry a lot of weight in joint custody discussions, it would be foolish to overlook those of the child. When parents separate, it’s a very confusing time for children. They have to navigate a new set of norms that sometimes calls their sense of security into question.

Keeping a child’s social life intact can provide them additional support during this difficult time. Playdates, after-school activities, and visits with extended family all help maintain a sense of regularity. Don’t disregard them as part of your joint custody planning. If your custody arrangement would eliminate any of these things from your child’s life, reconsider and accommodate for it the best you can. 

Simplify Living Arrangements

The most common custody agreements see a child living between two locations to spend time with each parent. Depending on where the parents live, such arrangements could require a lot of travel for both parents and the child. If the custodial exchange is frequent, it could make it difficult for the child to get comfortable with the arrangement and new surroundings. 

Recent years have seen growing popularity for a new joint custody trend called “bird nesting” or just “nesting.” Nesting doesn’t see the child moving between homes to live with the custodial parents in its simplest form. Instead, a primary residence will be shared by the parents so that the child doesn’t travel. 

Let’s go back to the alternating weekly agreement again, and let’s say that your child lives at your residence. When it’s time for your ex to take custody, they will come to live in your home, and you would spend the week (barring visitation) elsewhere. It could be your ex’s home, other property you own, or joint property you both own.

Nesting requires a great deal of trust between both spouses, but it’s beneficial in that it removes the stress of having to travel from your child and gives them a sense of normalcy. It minimizes the disruptions they’ll experience while keeping both parents in the picture. 

It would be best if you didn’t view nesting as a long-term practice. The main intention is to make adjusting to divorce easier for children. Eventually, they’ll reach a place where they can handle living between two homes and travel. 

A joint custody proposal centered around nesting faces unique challenges, so it’s best to discuss potential difficulties and pitfalls with your divorce attorney.

Be Flexible With Your Plan

We all know events in our lives can run counter to even the most detailed plans, but understanding this doesn’t make it easier to pivot when changes are needed. Most people entering their first divorce know what they want but don’t know what to expect. When reality crashes into those expectations, things can get messy.

Your divorce attorney will tell you to temper your expectations and be flexible, but this should extend to your joint custody agreement as well. Temporary or permanent changes may be necessary as time goes on to keep both parents in the picture. Things like career changes, job promotions, new spouses, and moving are just a few examples of significant events that can affect custody arrangement.

Being open to potential changes is only half the equation. The key to ensuring you can implement changes as needed is maintaining a civil relationship with your ex and regularly communicating with them.

Not all circumstances lend themselves to a friendly divorce, but co-parenting is a collaborative effort that requires give and take. The ability to set aside differences with your ex and look past the personal problems between you is paramount to getting your joint custody plan approved. 

Involve Your Child

Remember: the most significant changes resulting from a divorce are happening to your child. Since it impacts them, it can help them understand and cope with what’s happening if they’re involved in the process. 

Of course, what this means isn’t the same for every child. It’s not unreasonable, for example, to let a teen or pre-teen have a say in mother and father visitation. However, a toddler wouldn’t have enough awareness of what’s happening to make similar decisions. Still, they may want to choose seemingly inconsequential things, like what toys they keep at a specific parent’s home. In both examples, the child has some control over what’s happening, making them more accepting of the change.

Let’s Talk

Child custody and visitation arrangements are always developed to serve the child’s best interests. During any divorce proceedings, it’s important to discuss a potential parenting plan. If this is not possible, be honest with the court and any third-party evaluators. Doing so will help the judge order an arrangement that works best for the child. 

For comprehensive representation in any child custody and child support matter, call Azemika & Azemika Law. We will fight for and protect you and your family during the separation and divorce process. Contact us today online or by phone 661-322-8166 to arrange an initial consultation with our attorneys.

The traditional divorce process can be incredibly stressful. Lengthy litigation, court costs, examination, and hostile feelings between spouses can affect all involved mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

No matter how much you prepare for the process, its nature can quickly become very tiring. However, there are options available to avoid taking your separation to court. One such option is called collaborative divorce.

When spouses choose to pursue a collaborative divorce, they work out a settlement with family law attorneys while avoiding litigation. By making this agreement, they can work out every aspect of the divorce, such as division of property, alimony, and child support on their terms rather than have to make a case in court and have the result ultimately determined by a judge. 

This allows for greater flexibility and, more importantly, avoids the additional negativity a divorce trial can bring. If you’re considering a collaborative divorce, here are some essential facts you need to know.  

The Role of Attorneys

When both spouses agree to a collaborative divorce, they also agree not to pursue litigation against each other. That being the case, what role do attorneys play in the process?

Family law attorneys will help you in multiple ways. Though they aren’t making a legal argument on your behalf during a collaborative divorce, they can use their skills to work as your advocate while you and your spouse work on their settlement. 

Both parties hire separate lawyers who help negotiate and iron out the agreement’s fine details so that there are no ambiguities. Unlike with mediators, spouses cannot share an attorney during this process.

However, you may find you’ll need additional help at various points. For example, when discussing how to separate property, it may be necessary to determine something’s monetary value. For this, you’d need an expert to give an accurate estimate. Family law attorneys have these connections in place and can bring additional resources into the discussions as necessary, saving you the trouble of having to seek them out on your own.

You Have Ultimate Flexibility

When a divorce goes to trial, the final terms have to follow state law. For example, when it comes to the division of property in divorce, California state law equally divides jointly-owned property between spouses. 

The property you owned before the marriage remains yours, but anything that becomes shared may have its ownership questioned. Such items become commingling property, and if you can’t prove original ownership, it becomes a judge’s decision.

Collaborative divorce lets spouses customize the terms however they agree to, giving you greater flexibility regarding complicated issues like commingling property. It also removes uncertainty from the equation. The judge’s decision may go against what you hoped for or strike you as unfair. That’s not an issue with collaborative divorce.

While you may negotiate outside customary divorce laws, the goal should be to make both spouses satisfied with the final plan. It isn’t an opportunity to take everything you want. Doing so will stall (and potentially tank) the negotiations altogether. Be reasonable and expect some give and take.

You Don’t Have To Involve The Child

Divorcing parents have the additional complication of their child’s welfare to focus on. When a divorce goes to court, child custody disputes can be the most painful to litigate. 

Doing so involves scrutinizing the parents, which may include questioning the child to learn more about how they feel and how their parents act. It can humiliate the parents and be scary for the child, and the ultimate custody decision could cause pain for anyone involved.

Thankfully, collaborative divorce allows you to establish all the terms of your separation, including child custody. With the help of their attorneys, spouses can shape a plan without involving their children at all. Of course, they can choose to involve them if they want, but it takes some of the stress of a divorce that children experience in either scenario. 

Judges make child custody decisions based on what they believe to be in the child’s best interest. This can include any number of factors, including the employment and earnings of each parent, criminal history, and where they live. 

When you and your spouse discuss child custody, the focus should still be on what’s best for your child. However, you can use whatever reasoning you like to make your conclusion and without having your life examined by a judge. 

What If We Can’t Agree?

At the start of a collaborative divorce, you and your spouse sign a contract stating you won’t pursue litigation to resolve the divorce and instead work things out amongst yourself. 

However, it may turn out that you hit roadblocks along the way, issues that no one is willing to concede. It can happen anywhere in the process, and if it does, that initial contract becomes void as you both take the matter to court.

When this happens, your current attorneys will have to remove themselves from the case, though they may help you find other representation for your divorce trial. Keep in mind that everything they worked on up to that point will be kept confidential. 

Depending on how far along in the collaborative divorce process you were before changing to traditional divorce proceedings, you may have signed agreements relating to specific issues already, like how to divide the property. If you have, those agreements may still be binding and won’t be decided by a judge, helping to speed up the process. 

Ultimately, if you and your spouse try and fail to finalize a collaborative divorce, the work you’ve done will still affect the final determinations.

A Better Way To Resolve Your Disputes

A divorce may be final, but what you experience during the process will remain with you for some time. One of the greatest boons of collaborative divorce is that it helps everyone stay civil as they prepare to separate. 

The hard feelings that litigation can bring up have a better chance of never coming to fruition and influencing your words or actions. Besides keeping things peaceful, it may very well help the healing once your divorce is over.

Talk to Our Attorneys Today

If you need help understanding the complexities of California divorce laws or would like an experienced attorney to help you with your collaborative divorce, call on our professionals at Azemika & Azemika. 

We are experts in Kern County family law who bring compassion and honesty to everything that we do. We’ll treat you and your family with respect and confidentiality as we help you achieve the best outcome possible. Contact us today to learn more about our expertise and what we can do to help you.